They always say between social life, good grades and sleep, you can only pick 2. My social life is fighting so hard for its existence, so my brain involuntarily selected the latter 2.
I thank and hate myself for making that choice.
Thank - because of the lack of social life, distractions are kept to a minimum. I managed to stay on course and proceed with the next stage of (a typical) life that the society expects. But really, do I just want a banal and typical life?
Hate - If my life carry on like this, I might as well migrate to mars. The kind of relationship I have with my social environment is really.. negligible. I don't want to look back when I am 40 and tell myself that I have never live before; not in my life and not in other peoples' lives as I was so inactive. Why am I holding back? - The fear of losing what I have achieved/could have achieved and of rejections.
School has been the most intolerable activity of late. I am always late, lost or alone; coupled with global warming, this is just too much for me to take. There is totally no excitement in going to school because nothing in school compensates the negative feelings I have for it.
Modules are not easy. I have no friends who clicked. Time table is probably worse that 95% of the people; 5% being MD and Dentistry friends.
I really hate school. I have no choice but to go. No one can help me except for myself. I don't know how to help myself.
Am I not nice enough? Am I too shy?
Am I too intimidating? Am I loathsome?
Why do people always shun me?
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